Ryan’s library · My current thinking
Religion & Spirituality
What do I believe about God, and what does that belief ask of me when loving someone costs me something?
Updated November 1, 2026What I think a life is for
I believe the experience of being here is the point. I get a finite stretch of time, a body that lets me feel what happens, and other people who experience the same day differently than I do. The way I understand God is that each of us is part of something larger and that God gets to experience life through us. That’s the belief I was trying to put into words the morning I recorded episode 449.
I had Jesus tattooed on my shoulder at eighteen. What that image means to me now has a lot to do with the cost of loving somebody. It’s easy for me to say I believe in love. The question gets more interesting when listening to someone costs me my certainty, or helping them takes time I had planned to spend on something else.
Jump to the books and conversations ↓
What does moving toward love ask of me?
I can only live this moment from where I stand. Somebody across the table is living the same moment from somewhere else. If I believe both lives matter, I have a reason to stay curious when everything in me wants to win the argument.
Conversations with God gave me the language of love and fear. I recognize fear most easily when I’m busy protecting my pride. In that moment, moving toward love might mean letting the other person finish, asking what hurt, and sitting with an answer I didn’t want. That is a choice I can practice today.
What if I had to live the other side of my decision?
Andy Weir’s short story The Egg asks the reader to imagine living every human life. It’s a thought experiment I’d put beside my episode about God. Imagine having to live tomorrow as the person on the receiving end of a decision you make today. Which part of the decision would you want to understand better before you made it?
Alan Watts approaches the feeling of being a separate self in The Book. I like putting a story, a spiritual question and a conversation alongside each other here. You can come to a different belief about God and still have a good conversation with me about what we owe the person across the table.
Read The Egg on Andy Weir’s site · Watch Alan Watts ask what reality is
What do you hear differently today?
Think of a religious story you first heard when you were young. Which part stayed with you then? Has raising a child, losing someone, or becoming responsible for other people changed the way you hear it? That’s a conversation I’d like to have, especially with someone who came to a different belief than mine.
Why I want an aim worth the sacrifice
When Kim asked me what I believe in episode 500, I kept coming back to the people an act can help and how long the good from it can last. That’s what I mean by a noble aim. It gives me a reason to do something hard today, and I get to feel the meaning in doing it today. I don’t have to wait until I know how it all turns out.
There’s a detail at the beginning of episode 449 that I love. I’m trying to explain God, money and the meaning of life, and my girls are waiting to go skiing. I can care about getting the words right and still put the journal down. If I really believe the point of life is the experience of it, eventually I want to get my boots on and go be their dad.
Hear the opening of episode 449 · Hear my conversation with Kim
Books from my library
- Conversations with God, Book 1 · Neale Donald Walsch ↗
Walsch explores the idea that God experiences life through us. Read it alongside episode 449 to hear where that idea enters my own thinking about love and fear.
- Autobiography of a Yogi · Paramahansa Yogananda ↗
Yogananda tells the story of his search for a spiritual teacher. It offers another way into the question of how a person comes to know God through a lifetime of practice.
- The Book · Alan Watts ↗
Watts examines the feeling of being a self separate from the world. Pair it with The Egg for two ways into a question about who counts as “someone else.”
Other conversations and talks
- Jordan Peterson · The Death and Resurrection of Christ ↗
This five-part commentary explores sacrifice and the meaning of the cross. It’s a place to go further into the story I bring up when I talk about that tattoo.
- Andrew Huberman with Jordan Peterson · How to Best Guide Your Life Decisions and Path ↗
Listen for the discussion of what happens when a person chooses an aim worth making sacrifices for. That question connects these religious stories with decisions about how to live.
- Alan Watts · What Is Reality? ↗
A recording from the official Alan Watts collection. Listen alongside The Book for the difference between describing an experience and having it.
From my podcast
- 449 · Understanding the Meaning of Life, God, and Money ↗
I read from my journal about why I think we’re here. This is where I talk about love and fear, the tattoo, and what the story of Jesus means to me now.
- 500 · In the Hot Seat, with Kim Clark ↗
When Kim asks what I believe is fundamentally true, I come back to Jesus and the question of how long an act of sacrifice can keep doing good for other people.